Nastia Liukin?

Whoa. I’ve always known Eastern Europeans were super intense about gymnastics, but shit Pilaf I think you’re going overboard here.

But seriously, I’m calling bullshit.

-Corey

UPDATE: The video has been pulled from youtube, but you can still watch it here

Allison is walking on sunshine, and Cristy feels sorry for you

If you’ve read any of what I’ve previously written it should come as no surprise that A&E’s Intervention is my all time favorite show (its my fucking religious views on Facebook).  The trick to falling in love with the show is NOT getting invested in the character’s sobriety, or survival for that matter (because hey they’re drug addicts and the odds are against them!).   Accordingly, I could give a shit about the last 15 minutes of every episode (the intervention).

Two of my all time favorite intervention subjects are Allison and Cristy.  Allison huffs duster(!!!) all day, refuses to eat, and occasionally sucks a dick to pay the rent.  Cristy has been smoking meth for 13 years, thinks she’s a demon-angel hybrid, and is nude about 20 hours of the day (sometimes for pay, sometimes for fun, and sometimes to beat a bitch’ ass).

Awesome video remix of Allison in all her duster induced dementia:

and Cristy’s meth titties after the jump!!!!!!

-Corey

Flashing lights are overrated

Click the pic to watch the weirdest, most awesome, most mildly racist, and thoroughly demented thing I’ve seen in the last hour…

-Corey

A PSA courtesy of Growing Pains

Remember when Jesse Spano was “soooo scared” all because she was soooo cracked out on caffeine pills?  Besides being the second funniest thing Elizabeth Berkley ever did (Showgirls obviously being the first), it was just another in a long line of hysterical anti-drug messages on the teevee.

In this clip, born-again evangelical Mike Seaver Kirk Cameron shows us all exactly how to act when you’re propositioned to try cocaine.  His advice; freak the fuck out like a paranoid crack head, down to his last rock.

-Corey

This song is my sorry

I just watched Britney Spears’ entire videography and, straight up, the bitch has been killing it for years.  Say what you will about this drug addled starlet, but she’s been pumping out next level shit since 99, and the retrospective value of her music career is disturbingly poignant. The pairing of Spears and David LaChapelle was perhaps the most significant statement on pop culture and the commoditization of beauty since Dove’s Real Beauty campaign.  Honestly, watching the video for Everytime makes me feel like South Park’s parody of The Lottery wasn’t so off base.

Yes, we’re all implicated in the devolution of Mrs. Spears’ mental health, and yet it all seems worth it when we’re gifted with gems like this.

Thanks for the sacrifice Brit Brit, it’s sure to be a good harvest.

-Corey

“Name’s Artemis, I’ve got a bleached asshole”

If you’re not watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia you’re an idiot.

The show has everything: poop, drugs, incest, midgets (Danny DeVito), and most importantly Artemis Pebdani.

Bitch’s only been in four episodes but she and her bleached asshole are my favorite characters in the show.

-Corey

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time

Shooting up and listening to Jazz music is for Morrison wannabes, so unimaginative. Trust me, Coltrane is for assholes. The only real way to massage a high is to cozy up with an episode of Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting.

I recommend starting off with his Mountainscapes.

-Corey

Does this video make me look fat?

Next week is the 9th annual Halloween Haunt Talent Competition at St. John’s Presbyterian Church, and I’m so fucking pumped about my solo performance this year!

I’m still working out the kinks, but I wanted to post a video of what I’ve got so far.

What do you think? Is the outfit to flashy for the young adults category?

-Corey

I’m spiraling

And people are starting to stare

If I don’t take a break from writing about the role of British colonial rule in gendered transnationalism I think my brain will burrow its way out of my head through my eyeballs. So enjoy the fruits of my procrastination.

Remember Latarian Milton?

He’s the 7 year old that stole his grandmother’s car, drove three miles, hit two mailboxes, and four cars all because he wanted to “do hood rat stuff with his friend.”

Well Latarian’s story didn’t end with a little grand theft auto, several months later he beat the shit out of the same grandmother because she wouldn’t buy him buffalo wings at Wall Mart (ha!).  And now I think I’ve just found a video of the little shit, and guess what… he’s in Iraq! I suspect he’s hiding from Judge Judy.

-Corey

Are we really living or just walking dead now?

I’ve got a problem (and it isn’t with Seagrams).  Week after week I find myself tuning into the same television show despite the fact that I know it’s awful.  I mean actually terrible.

As if the overwrought plot lines weren’t enough, the shitty dialogue and awful accents crank the cringe factor up to unwatchable, and yet I keep coming back!  I’ve never considered myself a masochist, but shit I might have to break out the razor blades and ball gags cause I’m fucking hooked on True Blood.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a connoisseur of trashy television (Tanisha from the Bad Girls Club is a personal hero of mine), but this show goes beyond Gossip Girl camp and straight into The Michael Richard’s Show terrible, but I’m still emotionally invested in Sookie and Bill’s relationship!  After hours of grappling with this intellectual crisis of authority I can find only one reason why I’ve continued to subject myself to this filth and his name is Lafayette. He is the bescarved short order cook who dabbles in internet porn production, drug dealing and redneck beat downs. He is, in short, my favorite Allan Ball character ever.

Video of Lafayette’s thong tha-thong thong thong after the jump.

-Corey