While I can’t understand the epic Halo obsession people have these days, I can understand getting hooked on a video game. When I was younger I played Tekken and Crash Bandicoot till I fell into a child like k-hole. But these days video games don’t appeal to me at all, anywaysssss….
So I was searching for a clip from Flipping Out (which hopefully I’ll find now that I’ve already been distracted by this gem) and I came across this video, It’s amazing in SO many ways.
Things to watch for:
1)His first racial slur at 2:23
2)The constant lollipop in his mouth
3)Note that all of this took place in the same day, or same “game session”, his outfit doesn’t change
4)”Im gonna fuck whatever girlfriend you might have wait a minute you’re gay fuck you jew goodbye”
Oh and if you’re wondering if it’s real or not, it is.
I forgot that evvvvery Christmas season is accompanied by a wave of fragrance commercials. I turned on the tv today and was instantly bombarded by advertisements telling me that Puffy believes, therefore he is. I found out Britney was STILL curious and Mariah Carey should never be on a television screen unless shes throwing her hands up and shrieking at a crazy octave with wind blowing her hair back. Aside from the obvious “smell good, feel good” characters I’ve gotten used to seeing during the Holidays, there was one name I did NOT expect to see stuck on a designer bottle of Perfumé…maybe in the fly over states this makes sense. But I’m in Los Angeles and I don’t think anyone here wants to smell like a cowboy after they shower:
The compounded effect of finals, home sickness, and cold Decemeber Days has pushed me to the brink. So even though I intended to blog about all sorts of fascinating shit like Jerry Brown’s revised opinion on proposition 8’s legality, the supreme awesomeness that is Sister Act 2, and my obsessed-fan-girl love for David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel… I’d rather just get drunk.
Instead I’ll leave you with three videos that made me jealous, scared, and physically ill (in that order).
I swear that’ll be the last Single Ladies video. But I had to right?!?!
Death metal and toddlers are a fucking freaky combination
For Christmas you can get me those mistletoe nipple clamps. Thanks.
Unlike 99.9% of college students, I’m still balls deep in a mountain of books, red bull, research notes, and adderall, trying desperately to tackle the last two finals that stand between me and LA. I basically only leave the library to eat, and (occasionally) shower. The only thing that has made the experience even reasonably bearable is my new combat boots.
I love them so much it’s retarded. And trust me, the fact that I’ve had nowhere to wear them hasn’t stopped me from strapping the motherfuckers on and stomping around the library like it’s my personal catwalk. Honestly, every time I put them on my feet something overtakes my body and I turn into the biggest fag ever. Seriously, you’d think I was tworking my shit for Miss J.
I know I’m a little late to the party (or the theater as it were) but Katie and I just saw Milk and it was so fucking DOPE! Save for the exception of Diego Luna, each of the film’s main characters are so expertly fleshed out that Milk transcends, it becomes more than just a history lesson, more than just required viewing for LGBT 101. It’s simply a great movie whose message is palatable for audiences nationwide, not just the choir to whom it preaches.
But this isn’t actually a review of Milk (because it’sbeendone, and probably a million times better than I ever could). This post is about my actual movie going experience because, as much as I loved the film, there were several things that kept pulling my attention elsewhere.
First was James Franco’s INSANE hotness. Honestly, his chiseled features were so distracting that I had to go back and re-read some reviews to find out if he was in fact as good as his jawline lead me to believe. During one scene in particular, the girls behind me literally gasped when he came on screen. I mean it was relentless, he just kept getting hotter as the movie wore on. I guess science was right, he really does have a perfect face.
Second was how loudly people sobbed throughout the entire movie. I swear every sniff, gasp, and snot drop was audible from across the theater. I realize this could be a product of Berkeley’s inherently sympathetic audience, but dayumm gina sometimes I couldn’t even hear the dialogue!
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, the film’s audience was so enthralled that every slight movement I made was met with glaring (tear-filled) eyes. The real problem was that this hostility prevented me from opening my beer because I was afraid the lady behind me would impale me with her cane.
My advice, rent this supremely awesome movie. That way you’ll only have to contend with the sound of your own tears, you can enjoy your beer without fear of persecution, and you don’t have to worry about your hard-on (or wide-on) when you see this.
Will Smith was totally right, parents just don’t understand. Once in high school my Dad asked me to clean my car so, like any teenager, I threw everything in my trunk and went to a movie. A few days later he asked for my keys. Paralyzed by panic, I was unable to conjure up a plausible reason not to so I handed them over and prayed he’d avoid the trunk. He didn’t. Upon opening my trunk he became so insanely, irrationally angry that he proceeded to pull EVERYTHING out and throw it ALL away. Casualties included: two modern amusement sweaters, one pair of Diesel jeans, two empty In-N-Out bags, a steak knife (I swear I had a valid reason for this), more empty bags of Funyuns than I care to admit, and countless pieces of paper.
Yup, sometimes having parents fucking sucks, and right now I don’t think anyone understands that sentiment better than Elizabeth Frisinger.
On a recent class trip 18 year-old Elizabeth got her very first taste of P in the V in the most original, non-cliched fashion everrrr… on the beach (ha)!
Eager to share the news of her newly-broken hymen Lizzy decided to text her friend. Only, it wasn’t her friend… IT WAS HER DAD!!!!!!!! Check out their text message exchange:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I’d rather lose some clothes and a few stale Funyuns than accidentally text my parents about the loss of my virginity.
To the American Family Foundation, to the Westboro Baptist Church, and to all the homophobic conspiracy theorists of the world; I’m sorry. For years I’ve mocked and belittled you, I wrote off your ramblings about the “insidious gay agenda” as the compounded effect of decades of inbreeding, and for that I am sorry. I’ve recently learned the error of my ways and the wisdom of your message. I get it, the gays are in fact trying to take over the world… and they’re starting with youtube.
Yup, the gays are using glitter, pop music, and sick ass dancing to make youtube their bitch. First there was Shane Mercado, then Cubby, then the Ice Queen, and now we have this 15 year old mo’ (see the gays really do recruit children for their evil doing!!!).
Ok seriously, how the fuck old is this kid!?! This actually makes me really really uncomfortable, but the video is TOTALLY worth watching if only for the last 10 seconds. I’m definintely getting a Debbie Klingensmith vibe from that woman.
After the jump more examples of just how gay youtube has become.
I love them so much it’s retarded. And trust me, the fact that I’ve had nowhere to wear them hasn’t stopped me from strapping the motherfuckers on and stomping around the library like it’s my personal catwalk. Honestly, every time I put them on my feet something overtakes my body and I turn into the biggest fag ever. Seriously, you’d think I was tworking my shit for Miss J.
